What is the meaning of life?

Today was a hard day. Not only can I not see any floor in my house due to all the packing - 2 weeks and 2 days 'til we move! - but I also took a continuing education course for my realty license (in holding, just to use whenever we sell/buy again). Dave has just finished his 5th week home after the bicycle incident/surgery/etc.

But then a mom from X's school e-mailed me her packing to-do list. She moves every year to every 5 years, depending on her Air Force husband's next assignment. She hardly saves anything; for example, she saved only one outfit from each of her 3 children from the 0-3-month size.

To me, as I trip over plastic this and trash that, dealing with my physical stuff begs the question, "What is the meaning of life?" When I see that people can strip down their lives to very few material possessions, I get uncomfortable. It's been ingrained in me, due to nature and nurture, to equate stuff = happiness. Stuff = who you are/have been/your past/your present. ACK! I'm getting rid of tons of my stuff; therefore, I'm getting rid of my identity, no?!

Where's the enlightened-Buddha feeling I'm supposed to have? Where's the realization that people who have been freed from material possessions can focus on What's Really Important in Life?

I told the mom in the playground at drop-off that I appreciated her packing check-list, and I said, "Brace yourself, for it really got me wondering, "What is the meaning of life?" Without missing a beat, she chuckled and said, "Next, I'll send you all my inspirational quotes." Good enough. But then she continued, "It's in the people you meet, one or two at every stop, whom you hold dear to you, because of whom your Christmas-card-sending list actually becomes meaningful and longer." She got me at "people." With tears welling and face reddening, I excused myself, admitting that I had to go cry now.

I've not been the best to those people closest to me - my family. I've had enough of my messy and dirty place, and my frustration has been carried out onto my children and husband. Maybe that's the source of my holding on to my physical stuff; the relational stuff just isn't quite "there" yet. This is a humbling realization and a powerful connection: as I sort through, pack and get rid of material stuff, I am stripped to my bare essence and that's what I have left to offer to people. Scary concept, especially when I need to work on what I can offer my family. But I'll do it. As I head into Good Friday tomorrow, as I greet my children and spouse in the new day and days to come, I pray for the clarity, will and strength to face that stripped-down self, be proud of who I see, and offer that to my family and to the world.

Namaste -

Jane